Herman Cain has made himself the latest darling of the Christian right by declaring on a recent
episode of The View that being gay is a choice. “Abe” on Christwire.org takes Herman Cain’s ball and runs
with it, proclaiming (based on what evidence, he doesn’t trouble himself to
say) that “Every time the gays are allowed to marry in another states [sic], America’s economy falls.”
Huh? Everyone knows fewer straights are getting married
nowadays and if the wedding-industrial complex is to be kept in business, it’s
going to need to rely on gays. So gay marriage laws are jobs bills!
Now, leaving aside all the evidence from genetics and biology that sexuality is rooted in
biology—because, hey, Herman doesn't trouble himself with it either when he makes his proclamation—let's take a look at this issue of choice. If being
gay is "just a choice," like, say, choosing to eat pizza instead of burgers or Kentucky Fried, then being heterosexual must be a choice as well. Which
means there's no reason for society to privilege the choices of heterosexuals over those of homosexuals, any more than one would allow people who
love pizza to dictate other people's fast food choices. No matter how much a pizza magnate might wish for that to happen.
Herman, my advice to you is that you stick to what you know best: pizza. Then again maybe you don't know much about pizza either. According to a blind taste test conducted by Politico,
Godfather's pizza was unanimously rated the worst among five pizzas
including Papa John's and Pizza Hut. And it takes some doing to be worse
than Papa John's or Pizza Hut. So if you're looking for a new career direction, why not take a stab at American Idol? You do have a halfway decent singing voice:
By Linda Felaco
Lyrics appear below the fold:
Imagine there's no pizza
I couldn't if I tried
Eating only tacos
Or Kentucky Fried
Imagine only burgers
It's frightening and sad
You're lucky you have pizza
To feed your kids or you
No defrosting or cooking
And no dishes you must do
Imagine eating pizza
Each and every day
You may say that it's junk food
But to me it's so much more
It gives my life its meaning
And it pays a lot of dough
Imagine mozzarella
Anchovies on the side
And maybe, pepperoni
Rounds out your pizza pie
Imagine getting pizza
Delivered to your door
You don't have to pick it up now
On my skateboard I will go
I'll be back in 30 minutes
I just bought Dominoes
All I am saying
Is give pizza a chance
All I am saying
Give pizza a chance!
All I am saying
Is give pizza a chance
All I am saying
You've got to, got to give pizza a chance!
