Plus, some great gift ideas
By Will Collette
My colleague Linda Felaco is slugging it out with Jerry the Anonymous in the Comments section over the meaning of xmas. The trigger for the debate is Governor Chafee’s decision to call this year’s State House tree a “holiday tree,” something former Guv and uber-Catholic Don Carcieri did on two occasions.
This kind of argument has become an xmas tradition – devout Christians arguing that everybody else should abide by their religious lexicon during this season, even though there are many, many other religions who hold their own sacred ceremonies at this time of year. The right-wingnuts scream that left-wing pinko commies are conducting a “War on Christmas.” That it is a God-given right (their God) that public money should be used to pay for Christian displays and anyone who questions that, or points out that pesky clause in the Constitution, is going straight to hell.
Well, I’m not playing that game and have looked for – and found – a holiday tradition that I believe has the potential to satisfy both sides of the War on Christmas issue.
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| The Gavlebocken |
Let’s go to Gavle, Sweden for the annual festival of the Gävlebocken. The Gavlebocken is a huge goat – over 40 feet tall – made of straw that is erected in town square. The Gavlebocken, or Christmas Goat, is an ancient tradition that started in 1966.
The idea is for the town to divide roughly in half. One half of the town defends the goat. The other half tries to burn it down or otherwise destroy it. As I understand it, burning is preferred – Scandinavians apparently like to celebrate many holidays with huge and dangerous fires.
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| One of the years when the goat didn't make it |
Apparently, there is a LOT of money bet on whether or not the goat will survive through Christmas. And, as Dave Barry often observes in such events, there seems to be a lot of alcohol involved.
So the Goat’s defenders keep watch for firebugs. They also douse the goat with water, hoping that a nice coat of ice will render it more fire-retardant.
So far, the Goat has been torched more often than it has survived.
What a great holiday tradition! Since it is inevitable that Rhode Islanders will fight over Christmas/xmas/holiday displays no matter what, why not channel that hostile energy into something that is as much fun as the Gavle Goat?
We could set up the tree at the State House, as usual, except each year, opposing teams could take turns defending it. In the years where the tree is called a “Holiday Tree,” the Catholic Bishop could rally his Christian soldiers to charge down Smith Street to burn it down." The Governor can rally the secular humanists, non-Christians et al. to defend.
Then next year, when the tree is called a “Christmas Tree,” the left-wing ideologues, atheists and godless hordes could take their best shot at burning the sucker down, while the Bishop and all his followers defend.
All in good, clean holiday fun. Spin-off idea: Lottery Scratch Tickets. Of course, Vegas will be all over this. So will the TV news channels.
Now here’s some suggestions for great Charlestown-specific gifts.If you feel rebellious and want to challenge Charlestown
It’s called a Snowball Slingshot and can hurl a snowball up to 60 feet. With enough pre-rolled snow balls, you can lay down a field of fire that will make you Emperor of Charlestown. That is, until Chief Shippee comes by and busts you.
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| This pen is actually a video camera! |
For our favorite member of the Town Council, Lisa DiBello , there are some great new spy and personal surveillance stocking stuffers. Here’s an article with some great gift ideas – the world's smallest microcamera, a wand scanner (pretend you’re Harry Potter and secretly copy documents at the same time) and many others.
All of the gifts in this article retail for less than $100, making them perfect gifts for DiBello, since if they were worth more than $100, she would have to report them on her annual report to the RI Ethics Commission.
There's also a new variety of contact lens that allows the wearer to receive wireless impulses from their cell phone or other device - perhaps even a spy camera. The image would appear within the lens itself, allowing the wearer to read a newspaper, check e-mails, cruise the web or check what that secret camera captured. Unfortunately, this item costs a lot more than $100.
There's also a new variety of contact lens that allows the wearer to receive wireless impulses from their cell phone or other device - perhaps even a spy camera. The image would appear within the lens itself, allowing the wearer to read a newspaper, check e-mails, cruise the web or check what that secret camera captured. Unfortunately, this item costs a lot more than $100.
One of the highlights of the xmas season for me is Dave Barry’s annual guide to holiday shopping. It is due to come out in many local newspapers (not the Sun) next weekend. Check out Dave’s guide from last year – I’ll bet lots of the items in this year-old list can be bought at big mark-downs. Maybe at Wal-Mart (but be careful out there).
Tis the Season, right?