There really are some places that might be crazier than Charlestown
By Will Collette
Small-town politics can get pretty insane. It seems the smaller the town, the more intense – and the more personal – political issues become. It figures because in a small town, we tend to run into each other, whether it’s at the post office, Ocean Pharmacy, the Cove, Gentleman Farmer, Hungry Haven or even Town Council meetings.
Small-town living is wonderful for fostering great friendships, but it is not so nice when people get on each other’s nerves and this leads to festering blood feuds.
We sometimes think our little patch is unbelievably out of control, and sometimes it is. But we’re not alone.
Kingstown Krazies.
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| SK Town Councilor Jim O'Neill |
Our neighbors in South Kingstown , for example, have had some terrible Town Council meetings over the past few months. There have been screaming matches, insults thrown at citizens by Town Council members and citizens firing back.
The trigger for several months of discord was a proposal for a special tax break. It wasn’t anything like the $1000 Homestead Tax Credit that would have helped lots of middle-class homeowners as the Charlestown Democratic Town Committee had proposed. Instead, it was a proposed property tax exemption for the South Kingstown Chamber of Commerce (or whatever they’re calling themselves these days).
After a fiery uproar from citizens, the Chamber withdrew its request for the tax exemption and instead asked the Town Council to give it a direct grant roughly equal to the tax break. And the fight goes on.
And just this past week, the South Kingstown Town Council came up with a solution to its repeated incidents of bad behavior by revising its Rules of Decorum. No longer will the Council allow citizens to voice comments deemed “repetitive.” Council members will be expected to wait to be recognized by the chair and will control their “body language” to avoid giving offense or be disruptive.
Nabbed in Narragansett?
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| Narragansett town manager Grady Miller - busted |
In Narragansett, town manager Grady Miller is under investigation for allegedly misusing town funds. He has been accused of shifting $3000 from a special town fund to the Narrow River Preservation Association. Town Council President Glenna Hagopian is angry because the money was given to the non-profit without Town Council approval.
Town Council action on the allegations against Miller has been postponed to April 12. The town manager says the $3000 was a legitimate use of the town’s wastewater management fund because the NRPA is the only group doing the necessary water testing of Narrow River
News from Quartzsite.
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| Former, now present, Quartzsite mayor Ed Foster |
From time to time, I have reported on our deranged sister city out West, Quartzsite, Arizona. Quartzsite has been torn by a three-way power struggle over the past year that make Charlestown's troubles seem minor. The local political blogger in Quartzsite was jailed and beaten when she tried to testify in front of their Council. Quartzsite mayor Ed Foster was removed by recall. The Chief of Police declared martial law and claimed he was running the town.
But since last summer, the jockeying for power settled down to a slow boil and the town managed to hold an election on March 13 without any casualties. Surprisingly, the voters of Quartzsite returned Ed Foster to the mayor's office only seven months after they recalled him. But don't think that all is forgiven..
Here’s one that should make the Charlestown Planning Commission drool.
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| Burnsville evil-doer Mitch Faber |
Faber’s offense: violating Burnsville’s zoning ordinance by failing to complete the installation of siding on his house. This legal hassle has been going on since 2007 when the Fabers received a notice from the town warning them to complete the siding replacement project on their house. The Fabers had fallen behind in the work because they ran out of money.
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| CSI Burnsville: crime scene photos |
In Charlestown, Mitch Faber would not have this problem. There are building permits for jobs that have lingered on way, way longer than Faber’s. A prime example is 59 Maize Drive, where the work has gone on for many years longer than the siding project that landed poor Mitch Faber in jail. Like I said, there are places that are much worse than Charlestown.
Although Charlestown has problems with nasty members of the Town Council, like South Kingstown does, we have not yet had the Chief of Police declare martial law or had the police beat up a political blogger, as in Quartzsite, AZ (and imagine my relief!).
Charlestown does share common ground with Narragansett where the Narragansett Town Council President is looking to purge their town manager for what looks like a well-intended and defensible act.
In Charlestown, unlike Burnsville, Minnesota, we don’t throw people in jail for failing to complete construction projects. Otherwise, we might have a Planning Commissioner get hauled off in handcuffs.
Calling Deputy Dan
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| Councilor Simon Parkes |
Councilor Parkes says his mother was a nine-foot-tall, green-colored space alien. He has an alien implant in his hand and has been regularly visited by extraterrestrials all his life.
He recalls seeing a kite-shaped alien face while he was still a fetus in his mother’s womb. He says there are “shadow-beings” and other creatures taking the form of cats, owls, circus clowns and policemen living among us.
Now, if Councilor Parkes was on the Charlestown Town Council, he could turn to Charlestown Town Council VP Deputy Dan Slattery, who would undertake a complete and definitive investigation. Of course, then Slattery would not share the results of his investigation…..and Councilor Parkes would still be stuck telling his story to the tabloid press.