Sunday, September 9, 2012

My platform: Turn Charlestown into Cranston


Oh, if only it weren't so far away …

Now that the anonymous CCA trolls have outed me, guess I may as well come clean.

By Linda Felaco

In my recent story titled “Cui bono?,” I inadvertently revealed my deep, dark secret: I want to turn Charlestown into Cranston. And the anonymous CCA trolls, ever at the ready, quickly called me out on it.

As if.


As flattering as it is to think that I and I alone have the power to single-handedly turn sleepy little Charlestown into the bustling and vibrant metropolis that topped last year’s GoLocalProv.com rankings of RI cities and towns, there surely has to be an easier way than to go to bat against the all-powerful Planning Commission and probably pretty much every other resident of Charlestown.

Like, say, living in Cranston.

After all, why reinvent what already exists?

But apparently, in the very literal-minded, black-and-white CCA universe, only two possibilities exist for any question, one each at either extreme end of the spectrum: Either we give all of Charlestown over to the grasshopper sparrows, or we pave it all. Merely questioning CCA orthodoxy on any subject immediately and forever brands you as an Evil Developer Who Wants to Pave Over All of Charlestown and Destroy Life as We Know It.

Silly me for asking questions instead of just swallowing the CCA’s predigested answers. Guess I’m weird that way; I like to investigate the facts and draw my own conclusions. That gets the CCA’s collective panties in a wad.

Oops, is that another “incredibly vulgar attack”?