Republishing a Classic Progressive Charlestown article
Some things are better seen than eaten
By Will Collette
As a registered curmudgeon, it is hard for me to admit that, yes, Thanksgiving is a nice holiday. A gathering of family and friends. A reflection on the year, and hopefully for most, there are things to be thankful for.
 |
| Our summer guest admiring his reflection |
Thanksgiving also means turkey. When Cathy and I returned to Rhode Island in 2003 after 25 years in Washington DC
Aside from the deer, foxes and coyotes, it was wonderful to see wild turkeys. From our first year on, we regularly get turkey visitors, sometimes one at a time, often in groups of three or four, but on occasion, in flocks – I counted 14 in the largest flock I’ve seen on our land to date.
Last spring, we had a group of eight led by a big old Tom with two young toms and five hens. One of the young Toms paid close attention when Pop was teaching him the manly turkey styles and moves. The other young Tom seemed more interested in looking at his reflection in the side of our car all day.
He would stare at himself and gently touch – not peck – at his reflection for hours. After a couple of weeks, the old Tom and the hens took off, with or without the more attentive young Tom, I don’t know. But the young Tom who loved his reflection stayed all summer long, spending all day walking around the grass, wandering around in the kettle hole in the back of our land, sleeping under a favorite bush and sometimes hopping up on our deck.
He didn’t want to leave. I enjoyed his company, so I was torn between wanting him to stay and act like a de facto pet or wanting this lovable but dimwitted turkey to go and live his life like his turkey brethren.
By summer’s end, he wandered off, I know not where, and left behind a legacy of some great turkey photos.
As the inevitable march toward another turkey meal approaches, I think of our turkey friend and hope he went and got his GED in turkey studies, and is living a happy turkey life.
For me, I would prefer not eating turkey. It’s not a religious or cultural thing – I’m not a vegan. I just don’t like turkey. It’s boring. And the traditional Thanksgiving turkey trappings – the stuffing, mashed potatoes, green bean casserole, etc. are either boring or bad for my diabetes.
 |
| Calvin Trillin |
In 1981, one of my favorite humorists Calvin Trilling wrote an essay in the New Yorker where he too expressed his distaste for turkey and all that went with it.
He launched an on-going, though low-key, national campaign to make spaghetti carbonara America’s traditional Thanksgiving meal.
Now there’s a meal to look forward to! Of course, now I would have to make sure the pasta was whole wheat so as not to make my glucose levels rocket through the roof.
But I figure that if we are going to celebrate, why not do it with a dish that is to die for.
Thanksgiving also marks the beginning of the national xmas shopping frenzy. I urge you all to re-think that terrible tradition and consider some alternatives to the annual ritual of spending more than you can afford on things that your loved ones probably don’t need or won’t like.
One alternative is the “Buy Nothing” movement. Yes, I know retailers count on people stampeding into the stores from Black Friday to Christmas Eve and spending themselves into penury. Yes, I know that some argue that this is important for the economic well-being of our nation.
But I doubt that we do our economy much good by buying cheap imported goods from Big Box stores that treat their workers like crap when, in the process, we accumulate debt and waste natural resources. If you really feel compelled to spend money on xmas presents, why not shop at small, local stores and buy American made goods - such as handcrafts or food items. Or make your presents yourself. The Walton family, owners of Wal-Mart, are quite wealthy enough, thank you, and there are better ways to spend money than to enrich them.
Before there was a Buy Nothing movement, Cathy and I had a talk with our own family and came to the conclusion that we really were sick of being herd followers. We decided it was much better to give the money we would spend on gifts to charity, including making gifts to other family members’ favorite causes in their names.
Once you take the pressure of feeling to have to spend, and that, year-to-year, the spending has to escalate, you can still give gifts on a much more carefree level.
 |
| Nothing says xmas like an inflatable moose head |
For example, as the family's weird uncle, I have a holiday tradition affectionately called the “box of junk.” I collect weird and gross items that are both age-appropriate and not so weird or gross that they would cause me a problem with the parents. For example, when my nephew Chris moved out of the URI dorm and into a nice, orange-tagged Narragansett house with some roommates, his xmas box of junk included a pirate flag, life-sized inflatable moose head and other suitable household necessities.
This year, he is in his first year in URI's master’s program for ocean engineering. I searched until I found exactly the right thing for his current situation and stage in life. I will not reveal the nature of this year’s box of junk, in case he (or more likely his father) is reading this.
I will say that it is not explosive, as it features helium.
