Avast
Matey…this be no accident
By
Will Collette
UPDATE: Tonight's special Town Council meeting - sole topic, purchase of Whalerock property - is CANCELLED. No reason given.
One of the challenges for writers of daily publications is coming up with new ways to celebrate old holidays. Something that’s not a cliché.
Every September 19, I celebrate one of my favorite holidays, Talk Like a Pirate Day, which I am not making up though I wish that I did. And I try to share it with you. But this year, help has arrived from the most unexpected source.
One of the challenges for writers of daily publications is coming up with new ways to celebrate old holidays. Something that’s not a cliché.
Every September 19, I celebrate one of my favorite holidays, Talk Like a Pirate Day, which I am not making up though I wish that I did. And I try to share it with you. But this year, help has arrived from the most unexpected source.
Thursday, September
19 is also t’ day chosen by t’ Charlestown Town Council for a very Special
meeting. I’m not making this up either.
Accordin’
ta t’ agenda tacked up on Clerkbase
(also see below), t’ Council will immediately go into secret Executive Session
with t’ sole item bein’ t’ town’s planned purchase o’ t’ site o’ t’ proposed
Whalerock windmill project. Arrrrr!
 |
| Pirates' Council be meetin' behind this door |
This
be t’ deal that Cap’n
Thomas “Tough as Gristle” Gentz said t’ Council had to approve immediately on
August 22 because t’ deal had to be closed on August 27. Or else.
Never
mind thar be pages
and pages of informational treasure hidden in a pirate’s chest and only made
public t’ followin’ day. Never mind all this documentary booty showed thar
be no reason for Cap’n Tom ta give t’ “abandon ship” alarm.
Never
mind thar was no August 27 closin’. T’ last swabbie to remind Cap’n Tom of that
walked t’ plank.
No,
no, no, ye bilge rats, thar be no need to clutter yer bungholes wi’ t’ facts.
This deal needs no more of a look-see than Cap’n Tom wanted to give it. Anyone
who crosses t’ Cap’n will be keel-hauled, and that’s all t’ facts ye need to
know.
So
with grog all around, and Cabin Boy Danny Slattery playing t’ hornpipe, t’
Pirate’s Council will meet and decide how ta finish t’ voyage. Will this be t’
meeting where Cap’n Tom will carry out his orders from Admiral Ruth “Hang ‘em
from t’ Yardarm” Platner ta divvy
up t’ land with her friends at t’ Charlestown Land Trust?
Must be sump’n
urgent or Cap’n Tom be waitin’ till t’ next regular Pirates’ Council meetin’.
Maybe it be good news, or maybe it be bad, like Jimmy
Barrows’ plan gettin' waylaid.
Whilst
in his cups, Cap’n Tom let slip it be t’ plan all along ta take t’ taxpayers’ 2.1 million doubloons, buy t’ land and then give it away to his friends and
patrons. Cap’n Tom does owe them after all, since he
knows who paid fer his voyage.
And
when they’re finished, maybe Cap’n Tom and his crew will tell us what they did.
Or maybe they won’t.
Here’s
the official agenda in English (Piratese translation available on request).
AGENDA
TOWN OF CHARLESTOWN
TOWN COUNCIL SPECIAL MEETING
September 19, 2013 at 5:00 p.m.
Charlestown Town Hall, 4540 South County Trail, Charlestown
The Town Council will
hold a special meeting at 5:00 p.m. on September 19, 2013 at the Town Hall,
4540 South County Trail, Charlestown. The agenda is as follows:
1. Call to
Order and Roll Call
2. The Town
Council may vote to move into Executive Session pursuant to RIGL §42-46-4&5(a) (5) Potential Land
Acquisition (AP 17 Lot 186, “Whalerock”)
3. Potential
vote(s) from Executive Session matters regarding AP 17 Lot 186, “Whalerock” matters
4. Adjournment