An
Open Letter to The Youth of America
From
the GREAT STATE OF MAINE…by
Bill in Portland Maine in Daily Kos
Dear
The Youth,
Hey!
Sup! Got a minute? Right---of course you don't. Well, we're the adults here so
put the skateboard down, take your earbuds out, siddown and pay attention.
You
may have noticed that the country you live in has turned into a bit of a mess.
Not to put too fine a point on it, dudes and dudettes, but our government is
frozen in carbonite, people are still losing their homes and selling their
bling to get by, the planet's baking, we can't stop shooting each other, and
nobody knows how to get anything done. To put it another way: we're running
this place with all the finesse of your grandparents twerking on a tightrope
while holding a beaker of nitroglycerin in each hand.
But
here's the good news: your mission in life will be to clean up
our mess!
You
see, in order to build character and resilience and valuable "life
skills," we must tear you down and then give you the freedom to build
yourselves up. That means breaking your spirit, paying you peanuts for your
efforts, ignoring your concerns about stuff, and leaving this place worse than
we found it. But when the time is right, we'll turn the wheel over to you (or,
more accurately, you'll desperately grab the wheel from us) so you can fix
everything! It's called "tough love," and we're doing it because we
care. Quit slouching.
Now,
we're not quite done fracking the creamy filling from your spongecake world
yet. That will take a little more time. So keep on texting and whatnot for now,
but be ready to take over when we give you the signal. The signal, by the way,
will probably look like a bunch of grownups jumping off of bridges. Yes, you
can help yourself to any beer you find in their refrigerators. We call dibs on
the rum and vodka.
We
know this must all seem supremely weird and inconvenient, but it's for your own
good. If we don't trash the most powerful---some say
"exceptional"---country on earth and reduce it to roving bands of
shiny-object chasers, you'll spend your lives all healthy, prosperous and happy,
and what fun is that?! Trust us...you'll thank us later for
giving you this amazing opportunity to dig yourselves out of our hole.
Peace.
Word. Get a haircut.
---The
Adults Currently In Charge Of Things
P.S. We'll
give you a head start with a free tip: invent a tree that sprouts "money
fruit." We know you can do it!
P.P.S. Go
Pats!!!