Sunday, November 24, 2013

Nary a peep from Illwind turbine slayers

“Name That Moraine” - Game Over
By Charles Townsend, TMZ Special Assignment Correspondent

Future Former Town Council President Tom Gentz had his toy gavel handed to him on a tarnished silver spoon when Former Future Town Council President Dan Slattery hosed off his copy of Charlestown’s Home Rule Charter to discover that town commissions should actually play a role in town government.

“I spent nearly the entire intermission between the first and second periods of the Washington Caps game – Alex Ovechkin, personal friend of mine – conducting my own investigation into the town charter and I have determined that, in fact, the Conservation Commission is permitted to design management plans for acquired conservation properties,” Slattery revealed. “I conducted another investigation into the organizational structure of the Conservation Commission and determined that it is, in fact, a duly authorized body capable of making a reasoned decision.”


President Tom Gentz had intended to appoint an Ad-Hoc Committee, composed primarily of CCA party hacks, to come up with a management plan for Whalerock in the aftermath of a legal battle pitting neighbor against zoning board against town council against private developer against national wildlife refuge against Frosty Drew against Agenda 21 against anonymous abutters against their own lawyer.

“In the end, we weren't sure what the hey was going on,” admitted an unusually flummoxed President Gentz. “Whenever that happened in the health insurance boardroom, we would just throw up our hands, create an Ad-Hoc Committee and motor to the golf club until the chips fell into place. Apparently I misjudged the situation, all right? Sorry, dammit…”

The Town Council accepted the Conservation Commission’s suggestion of “Charlestown Moraine Preserve” as a name for the Parcel Formerly Known As Whalerock.

The Coalition Formerly Known As Illwind was not in attendance due to complications associated with Turbine-Induced Post Traumatic Stress Disorder (TIPTSD) when its team leader was struck in the head by a bouncing check.

Not embedded much longer with the Illwind Coalition, and until next time, I am Charles Townsend -and you’re not.

Good-bye and good luck.