“Name That Moraine” -
Game Over
By Charles Townsend, TMZ Special Assignment Correspondent
“I spent nearly the entire intermission between the first
and second periods of the Washington Caps game – Alex Ovechkin, personal friend
of mine – conducting my own investigation into the town charter and I have
determined that, in fact, the Conservation Commission is permitted to design
management plans for acquired conservation properties,” Slattery revealed. “I
conducted another investigation into the organizational structure of the
Conservation Commission and determined that it is, in fact, a duly authorized body
capable of making a reasoned decision.”
President Tom Gentz had intended to appoint an Ad-Hoc Committee,
composed primarily of CCA party hacks, to come up with a management plan for
Whalerock in the aftermath of a legal battle pitting neighbor against zoning
board against town council against private developer against national wildlife
refuge against Frosty Drew against Agenda 21 against anonymous abutters against
their own lawyer.
“In the end, we weren't sure what the hey was going on,”
admitted an unusually flummoxed President Gentz. “Whenever that happened in the
health insurance boardroom, we would just throw up our hands, create an Ad-Hoc
Committee and motor to the golf club until the chips fell into place.
Apparently I misjudged the situation, all right? Sorry, dammit…”
The Town Council accepted the Conservation Commission’s
suggestion of “Charlestown Moraine Preserve” as a name for the Parcel Formerly
Known As Whalerock.
The Coalition Formerly Known As Illwind was not in attendance
due to complications associated with Turbine-Induced Post Traumatic Stress
Disorder (TIPTSD) when its team leader was struck in the head by a bouncing
check.
Not embedded much longer with the Illwind Coalition, and
until next time, I am Charles Townsend -and you’re not.
Good-bye and good luck.