Double Crack Entendres and Edward
Knifehands
Posted by Samantha
Turner (Editor), in the Narragansett-South
Kingstown Patch
One Woonsocket man
wanted to make sure others knew he was serious about his accusations that
someone had stolen his shoes. What better way than with knives?
The 20-year-old man
accused a woman of stealing his sneakers, causing her to leave the apartment
building to avoid confrontation. That only exacerbated the situation as the man
ran back after her, carrying a handful of knives he had found in his kitchen
cabinet.
Wait, Which Kind of Crack?
Fans of homonyms will
love this police report out of East Providence. You ready for this? It all
started when police
arrived at the 37-year-old man’s home and saw his crack – as in
he was standing in the home’s basement butt naked. According to reports, he was
acting oddly and staring at a wall.
The man’s grandmother
had called police after she believed there was an intruder in the house. Then,
officers found his crack. (The other kind of crack.) Officers allegedly found a
crack pipe and cocaine in the basement, and arrested the man on charges of
possession.
I Know My APH’s
How long does it take
to be considered a local? For one 23-year-old woman, apparently four years is
not enough. Police in Newport pulled over the woman who ran a red light and
appeared to be under the influence. The woman contended that her poor driving
was not due to intoxication and told police, “I’m not from here.
I don’t know anything about Newport.”
Immediately after
that, she told police she had lived in Newport since 2009. After she handed
officers her business card instead of her registration and thought that “P” and
“H” were the second and third letters in the alphabet, police decided to arrest
her on DUI charges. Even though she allegedly told officers she had nothing to
drink that night, her BAC registered at .194 and .191.