Hang On to Your Confederate Money Boys, the South’s Gonna
Rise Again!
B
Welcome to another episode of Weirdlife
Safari! The post that explores darkest Kooky Cuntry in pursuit of some of the
strangest political mutations this side of Sister Sarah. (Or, the other side, for that
matter.)
Today’s quest is the “‘Murican Secessionist” (Tua Esque Americanus).
There’s also a smaller, more docile, sub-species (Volo Mea Americanus) that
doesn’t want its own country. It just wants its own state, because “Capitol
City just ain’t payin’ no attention to ‘em”.
But, we’re going after big game: the “America! Hate it
and leave it!” mutation. Their native habitat centers around a region of Kooky
Cuntry called “South Angrywhitemanistan“.
According to that great geographer, Herman Cain, it’s located on the “right side” of the
tracks, just across from Ubeki-beki-beki-beki-stan-stan.
The critters were semi-dormant for a few decades. Then,
in 2oh,oh8, that “socialist, fake “Murican with too dark a tan” got elected
President. This woke up the secessionists real quick. They looked around and by
jinkies, this wasn’t the “Murica” of their dream fantasy. (As if it ever was.)
When that “dang furin Hitler wannabe” got re-elected in
2012, the White House’s “We the People” website got inundated with secessionist
petitions from every state.
There are organized(?) secession herds in Alaska, Hawaii,
the Pacific NW and New England, but most of the biggest “roars” come from
southern secessionists.
Since there are too many herds to cover in this post, (most
are really, really small.) We’ll
concentrate on one big herd that encompasses the old “slave states”: The League of the South. The league claims 30,000
members, but it’s probably about half that.
These critters are NOT happy with the way the “War of
Northern Aggression” turned out. They want a “go-back” or they want their own
countries. Their website talks about each
state becoming its own country but
confederated with the rest.
I hate to bring this up, but we’ve already tried that. It
was called the Articles of Confederation and Perpetual Union. It was a
humongous FAIL!!! But
then, these Bubbas ain’t too great on real history.
They envision a “La-la” land, dripping with Southern
culture, (as opposed to Northern i.e. “Marxist” culture) and ruled by
“Christians” of Anglo-Celtic heritage (WACPs). Of course, non-WACPs will
be allowed to live there if they recognize “the cultural dominance of the
Anglo-Celtic people and their institutions” (and don’t get any uppity
ideas about voting).
And, please don’t call them racists, because that’s a Communist
word.
League president Michael Hill (8/17/2014):
We are for the survival, well-being, and independence of the Southern people. And when we say the ‘the Southern people’, we mean white Southerners.”
League board member Jack Kersaw (1998):
Somebody needs to say a good word for slavery. Where in the world are the Negroes better off today than in America?”
Although anti-U.S., they do have a fondness for their
version of the 2nd Amendment. After all, they may end up having to fight a 4Gen (guerrilla) war against the government.
It probably won’t surprise you that the Southern Poverty
Law Center lists them as a hate group.