The nine deadly Republican sins

Nine Things the Pope Said at the White House that Will Piss off the Republicans

By  BOB CESCA

Pope Francis delivered some brief remarks at the south lawn of the White House on Wednesday. Here are nine things he said that will make the GOP and Fox News Channel totally lose their shpadoinkle. 

1) “As the son of an immigrant family, I am happy to be a guest in this country, which was largely built by such families.”

Look out. The GOP will surely target this statement — accusing the Pope of opposing Trump’s border wall and ignoring all of the so-called “immigrant gangs” who are allegedly murdering people in Chicago and Baltimore. (The latter is something Trump basically invented.)

2) “American Catholics are committed to building a society which is truly tolerant and inclusive, to safeguarding the rights of individuals and communities, and to rejecting every form of unjust discrimination.”

Republicans will really go batshit crazy over this one. Even though Pope Francis went on to defend the notion of “religious liberty,” conservatives will twist this to mean that the Pope forbids them from discriminating against undocumented immigrants, women and LGBT citizens.

3) “I find it encouraging that you are proposing an initiative for reducing air pollution.”

Wow. The Pope is clearly an Obamabot. He even praised President Obama’s allegedly unconstitutional efforts to restrict carbon emissions. Why does the Pope hate America?

4) “Accepting the urgency, it seems clear to me also that climate change is a problem which can no longer be left to a future generation.”

Uh-oh. If the Pope repeats this again in Congress, get ready for the heckling, booing and, inevitably, a junior congressman shouting “you lie!”

5) “When it comes to the care of our ‘common home’, we are living at a critical moment of history.”

Common home? Is he including Mexicans and gays in this “common home?” If so, he can feel free to leave our country now — you know, the land of the free.

6) “We still have time to make the changes needed to bring about ‘a sustainable and integral development, for we know that things can change’ (Laudato Si’, 13).”

You’ll have to pry Sarah Palin’s SUV out of her cold, dead hands.

7) “Such change demands on our part a serious and responsible recognition not only of the kind of world we may be leaving to our children, but also to the millions of people living under a system which has overlooked them.”

There he goes again, trying to protect the poor and the takers.

8) “Our common home has been part of this group of the excluded which cries out to heaven and which today powerfully strikes our homes, our cities and our societies. To use a telling phrase of the Reverend Martin Luther King, we can say that we have defaulted on a promissory note and now is the time to honor it.”

So, not only did the Pope address the climate crisis, but he also demanded that there is more be done to mitigate the crisis. And if that wasn’t awful enough for the GOP, he quoted Martin Luther King. Why does the Pope hate white people?

9) “I would like all men and women of good will in this great nation to support the efforts of the international community to protect the vulnerable in our world…”

Fox News will get all defensive about this one, especially insufferable douchebag Jesse Watters who routinely goes around Manhattan kicking homeless people and accosting them about where they sleep and urinate.

Here are Pope Francis’ full remarks:

Pope Francis’ Address at Welcome Ceremony
The White House South Lawn, Washington
Wednesday September 23, 2015

Mr. President,

I am deeply grateful for your welcome in the name of all Americans. As the son of an immigrant family, I am happy to be a guest in this country, which was largely built by such families. I look forward to these days of encounter and dialogue, in which I hope to listen to, and share, many of the hopes and dreams of the American people.

During my visit I will have the honor of addressing Congress, where I hope, as a brother of this country, to offer words of encouragement to those called to guide the nation’s political future in fidelity to its founding principles. I will also travel to Philadelphia for the Eighth World Meeting of Families, to celebrate and support the institutions of marriage and the family at this, a critical moment in the history of our civilization.

Mr. President, together with their fellow citizens, American Catholics are committed to building a society which is truly tolerant and inclusive, to safeguarding the rights of individuals and communities, and to rejecting every form of unjust discrimination. With countless other people of good will, they are likewise concerned that efforts to build a just and wisely ordered society respect their deepest concerns and their right to religious liberty. That freedom remains one of America’s most precious possessions. And, as my brothers, the United States Bishops, have reminded us, all are called to be vigilant, precisely as good citizens, to preserve and defend that freedom from everything that would threaten or compromise it.

Mr. President, I find it encouraging that you are proposing an initiative for reducing air pollution. Accepting the urgency, it seems clear to me also that climate change is a problem which can no longer be left to a future generation. When it comes to the care of our “common home”, we are living at a critical moment of history. We still have time to make the changes needed to bring about “a sustainable and integral development, for we know that things can change” (Laudato Si’, 13). Such change demands on our part a serious and responsible recognition not only of the kind of world we may be leaving to our children, but also to the millions of people living under a system which has overlooked them. Our common home has been part of this group of the excluded which cries out to heaven and which today powerfully strikes our homes, our cities and our societies. To use a telling phrase of the Reverend Martin Luther King, we can say that we have defaulted on a promissory note and now is the time to honor it.

We know by faith that “the Creator does not abandon us; he never forsakes his loving plan or repents of having created us. Humanity still has the ability to work together in building our common home” (Laudato Si’, 13). As Christians inspired by this certainty, we wish to commit ourselves to the conscious and responsible care of our common home.

The efforts which were recently made to mend broken relationships and to open new doors to cooperation within our human family represent positive steps along the path of reconciliation, justice and freedom. I would like all men and women of good will in this great nation to support the efforts of the international community to protect the vulnerable in our world and to stimulate integral and inclusive models of development, so that our brothers and sisters everywhere may know the blessings of peace and prosperity which God wills for all his children.

Mr. President, once again I thank you for your welcome, and I look forward to these days in your country. God bless America!