House Committee
Demands Obama Commit an Impeachable Offense
As time rapidly runs out
on the two-term presidency of Barack Obama, the House Committee on
Oversight and Government
Reform
will hold hearings today to grill administration officials about the
lack of exploitable scandals originating in the White House, sources
say.
President
Obama after being told he must send documentation of impeachment-worthy
offenses to House Republicans by sundown.
"We've
exhausted all of our leads and didn't turn up a thing," said a Republican
committee member who asked to remain anonymous.
"Solyndra,
Fast and Furious, bowing to world leaders, the IRS, the tan suit---even our ace
in the hole, Benghazi, turned out to be a nothingburger and at this point
we're down to investigating rounding errors in office supply
expenditures."
The committee says it will order the White House to dig as deep as possible and turn over all relevant documents that will lead them to at least one impeachment-worthy scandal.
"If
they fail to comply, then we'll have no choice but to investigate the lack of
investigation-worthy offenses during the president's second term," said
the source. "And also his first term, we're not real choosy at this
point."
Democrats
accused Republicans of grasping at straws and playing election-year
politics.
"Perhaps
our colleagues on the other side of the aisle should try legislating
instead of going on another wild goose chase," said the Congressional
Progressive Caucus in a statement.
Republicans
say they might consider that, but one congressman who requested anonymity
said "leadership is hard and boring and it makes our brains
hurt."
According
to House majority leader Kevin McCarthy, President Obama has until
the end of the day to commit an impeachable offense "or we're going to be
really mad." The White House has not yet responded to the request beyond
a long string of LOLs it sent out in an early-morning tweet.
EDITOR'S NOTE: the above is a work of satire that is, unfortunately, almost entirely true.
EDITOR'S NOTE: the above is a work of satire that is, unfortunately, almost entirely true.