A
checklist of 30 tactics used by emotionally abusive partners reads like Trump's
debate prep to-do list.
As an emotional abuse survivor, I get an eerie feeling watching
Donald Trump.
In fact, a checklist of 30 tactics used by an emotionally abusive partner,
published by the blog Live Bold and Bloom, reads like Donald
Trump’s debate prep to-do list.
One of the telltale signs of such abuse, for example, is rooted
in humiliation:
“They humiliate you, put you down, or make fun of you in front
of other people.”
This seems to be a cornerstone of Trump’s political speech —
like making fun of a disabled reporter, or placing the women who accuse Hillary Clinton’s husband of sexual
misconduct in the audience at the last debate. (I wonder if Trump has ever
heard that expression about glass houses and throwing stones.)
For example, accusing Hillary of laughing at a rape victim,
which she didn’t do.
“They make excuses for their behavior, try to blame others, and
have difficulty apologizing.”
Like the “locker room talk” apology that wasn’t.
“They call you names,
give you unpleasant labels, or make cutting remarks under their breath.”
Remember Trump’s use of pejoratives like Crooked Hillary, Lyin’
Ted Cruz, Little Marco Rubio, Low Energy Jeb Bush, and “Pocahontas”? (That last
one refers to Elizabeth Warren.) There’s even a Donald Trump
insult generator online based on the candidate’s penchant for
name-calling.
“They make subtle threats or negative remarks with the intent to
frighten or control you.“
In the second debate: “You’d be in jail,” Donald threatened Hillary, if he becomes president.
“They play the victim and try to deflect blame to you rather
than taking personal responsibility.”
After the 2005 video of Trump boasting about sexually assaulting
women was leaked, he claimed the entire world was in a conspiracy against him —
the media, the Clintons, the Republicans.
Poor Donald, everyone is calling him out for the racist and
misogynist that he is.
Most familiar to me as an abuse survivor were Trump’s
deflections of Hillary’s jabs during the second debate. In my experience, any
time you confront an abuser with their past bad behaviors, you get one of three
responses.
First, they might say they never did that. That thing never
happened. This is called gaslighting. The name comes from a 1944 film called Gaslight.
It’s used when someone attempts to manipulate you into doubting your own lived
experiences.
Second, they’ll turn your critique back onto you. You don’t like
that they humiliated you in front of your friends? You’re too sensitive. That’s your problem.
It’s just one more item on the long list of things that are wrong with you.
Last, they reply to your critique of them with what they don’t
like about you. And sometimes, the responses can be quite arbitrary.
Oh, Hillary doesn’t like that Trump bragged about assaulting
women? Well, Bill Clinton had affairs.
Never mind that Bill isn’t running for
president, or that his well-litigated past isn’t the issue at hand.
True, Bill Clinton won’t go down in history for being faithful,
but that doesn’t answer the question about Trump’s record with women and his
qualifications to be president.
Emotional abuse can be hard to pinpoint when you’re the one
being abused. So Donald Trump has just provided us all with a valuable service
by demonstrating before a live TV audience what emotional abuse looks like in
action.
The best way to deal with a bully? Remove them from your life.
OtherWords
columnist Jill Richardson is the author of Recipe for America: Why Our
Food System Is Broken and What We Can Do to Fix It. Distributed by OtherWords.org.