The man couldn't name the
department in 2012.
By Jim Hightower / AlterNet
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| For more cartoons by Ted Rall, CLICK HERE |
Perk up people - for I bring you tidings of great joy: Gov.
"Oops" is back!
Yes, Rick Perry, the former Texas governor who specialized in
putting the "goober" in gubernatorial, is being brought back from
well-earned obscurity in rural Texas to join the menagerie of characters in
"The Donald Show."
For us lovers of low political comedy, Perry is literally an early
Christmas gift from on high -- not from heaven (not that high), but from the
dizzying heights of Trump Tower.
That's where the orange-haired Impresario-in-chief has been
holding tryouts for his Washington cast, and Perry is a slapstick-perfect
choice for Trump's bizarre cabinet.
Who can forget Perry's classic "oops moment" during his
first failed run for the White House?
Campaigning as a far-out, right-wing slasher of government services,
he boldly declared in a televised debate that -- by gollies -- he would
eliminate three federal agencies entirely, dramatically reeling off the names
of his three victims: The Department of Commerce, Department of Education,
and... and... and, alas, as a national TV audience watched in horror, Rick's
brain just could not recall the third federal department he planned to kill
off.
He was roundly ridiculed as being dumber than a dust bunny.
EDITOR'S NOTE: The US Department of Energy is also responsible for managing the US nuclear weapons arsenal. We have to hope Perry doesn't go all Second Amendment on the world. But alas, it looks like that is Donald Trump's plan.
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| You could say that Ben Carson being picked as Secretary for Housing and Urban Development, despite no knowledge or experience of those topics, was a precursor to the Rick Perry selection |
But now -- proving once again that being even quasi-smart is not a
requirement for getting a high political job -- Perry has been hired by Trump
to be our next Secretary of Energy.
Yes, that is the very agency that was third on the Goober's
elimination list! He is actually being appointed to head the $32 billion department
he couldn't name during the 2012 presidential race.
Here's another comic twist in Rick's appointment. While briefly
running for president again this go 'round, Perry assailed Trump as a
"barking carnival act." And now he's a tail-wagging dog in Donnie's
carnival.
Dubbed "Gov. Good Hair" by the late great columnist
Molly Ivins, Perry tumbled from his peak of being governor of Texas to being a
twice-failed GOP presidential wannabe, then to ending up as a reject on the
television show for has-been celebrities, "Dancing with the Stars."
But -- resurrection! -- having kissed the ring of president-elect
Trump, Perry is now to be lifted from the lowly role of twinkle-toed TV hoofer
to being in charge of our national government's nuclear arsenal!
That's a position that, in previous administrations, has required
some scientific knowledge and experience, but as we're quickly learning from
The Donald's other cabinet picks, the key qualification he seeks for public
service is a nominee's commitment to serving the private interests of corporate
power over workers, the environment, local communities and everyone else.
That is why Perry -- a devoted practitioner of crony capitalism
and an ardent champion of oligarchs -- has been rewarded with this position.
As governor, for example, he went to extraordinary lengths to let
the giant Energy Transfer Partners run a pipeline through the
ecologically-fragile, natural wonders of Big Bend -- ramming it right down the
throats of near-unanimous opposition of local people.
Perry then accepted a little $6 million campaign donation -- ie,
"payoff" - from the corporate boss, who also later put Perry on the
pipeline corporation's board of directors.
He also privatized a state-run, low-level, nuclear waste facility,
turning it over to Waste Control Specialists, owned by his largest campaign
contributor.
Then he let the corporation double the amount of waste dumped
there, while reducing its legal liability for damages. Then, taking even more
cash from the owner, Perry pushed to let him put high-level nuclear waste in
the dump.
Rick Perry has zero expertise or experience for the job he's being
handed, but he has beaucoup of both for the "job" he's actually being
empowered to do on the American people and our environment.
Jim Hightower is a
national radio commentator, writer, public speaker and author of the book Swim Against
the Current: Even a Dead Fish Can Go With the Flow (Wiley,
March 2008). He publishes the monthly Hightower Lowdown,
co-edited by Phillip Frazer.